I am working for a youth centre and have recently started a girls-only climbing group. What began with two or three girls has grown now into a fully blown climbing meet up where the more experienced girls show the newcomers the ropes and where there is space not only for climbing but also for chats, jokes and impromptu dying swan performances.
The other day one of the girls asked me: “Do you still feel shy when you climb with boys or men?” And I thought how nice it would be if I could tell her that this shyness would disappear with time like acne, or that she’ll get used to it as she got used to going to going to school or staying over with friends.
Yes, I said, it does get better, but there will always be moments, where I feel judged, patronised or objectified, and that then sometimes my shyness takes over and makes me wish to disappear. And that I’ll then remind myself that it is not on them to make me feel good, or bad, that most likely they are totally oblivious on what their behaviour does with me. Another girl added that probably the boys can feel just the same way sometimes, and everyone agreed. I think the discussion continued for a while but I was busy teaching climbing and missed the rest of it.
Later that night, when I reviewed my day before going to sleep, I wondered what she made of my answer, and if she felt disappointed by it. The poem “You get proud by practicing” by Laura Hershey came to my mind. It’s a beautiful poem about pride and shame, describing what you should do, “if you are not proud for who you are, for what you say, for how you look”, and how seeing “strength and beauty in everyone, including yourself” gives you the power to be proud. It ends with:
“Remember, you weren’t the one
Who made you ashamed,
But you are the one
Who can make you proud.
Just practice,
Practice until you get proud, and once you are proud,
Keep practicing so you won’t forget.
You get proud
By practicing.”
Look it up, it makes me tear up every time I read it, because it has so much truth in it. What answer would you have given to the girl? Let me know in the comments below!
